Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
