If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
