Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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