You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She even gives head with a lisp.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
