If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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