i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
