she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
