Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
