Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
