did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
