Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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