After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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