he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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