What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
