My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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