Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
