making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
