we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
