very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
