Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
