I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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