One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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