great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
