I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
