So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
