Me too!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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