If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
