A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Are we still banned from the library?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
