he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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