Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
