I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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