Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
