4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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