i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
