ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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