I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
