haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
