hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
