i just wanna soil my oats bro
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
