just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
