you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
