Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
