My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
