ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
