so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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