I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
