i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
