we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
