And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I smell stomach acid.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
