Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
