party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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