While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
