It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize