I puked a lego.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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