god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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