Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
