I looked at my own cervix.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
