i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
