he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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