yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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