She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
