he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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