Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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