did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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