I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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