wanna go halves on a baby?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
